In Front of the Yellow Line

The Kids Aren’t Alright

By Shawn Wells

Teenage Girl on my bus: “Yo, there’s like a person right there who be like running for the bus.”

I'm only 36 years old but I'm about to sound like a crotchety old man. What is wrong with kids today?

There is a song by the band My Chemical Romance called Teenagers with the lyrics "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me." I've discovered that this is all too accurate. However, if you're familiar with the song you'll know the singer is referring more to a physical fear. For me, this fear is more mental. More from the social commentary perspective,  the longer I do my job as a bus driver, the more I worry about the future of our society. I know that with this post I could alienate an entire group of readers, but it needs to be said... kids today are dumb. (Considering, though, my own son has admitted that he doesn't read my blog, I'm not tremendously concerned about losing readers.)

There it is. This generation of kids is full of idiots. It's scary really. And if you're the parent of a teenager let me tell you, your little angel is not as perfect as you may think. Their teachers may see them with their guard down and witness a different side of them. But that's nothing compared to what the invisible bus driver gets to experience.  I get insight into the teenage psyche that you wouldn't believe without witnessing it firsthand. Take a ride on a school special bus sometime and just eavesdrop.

I hear conversations that would make you shudder. Things that these kids talk about that I didn't even think about until I was in my 20's. The conversations about drugs, drinking, sex and all other adult topics. I hear about so and so hooking up with so and so at a party. Or so and so was so wasted last night. Some of these kids are Jr. High aged! If I had a quarter for every time a group of teenagers have gotten on my bus followed by the distinctive pungent odor of a freshly smoked joint, well I don't know if I'd have to work anymore. I'd have a butt-load of quarters.

And these are the people who will one day be running this country.

The other day I had a young kid on my bus, maybe 12 years old. He obviously missed his stop while on the way to school. And when he realized that he had missed it, he started cursing like a sailor. This went on for the next dozen blocks. He asked me "if we had already passed such and such avenue". "Yes we have." "Swear, swear, swear... I'm going to be late... swear swear. How about the river valley?" "That was back there." "Swear swear." Finally after this had gone on for about 5 minutes... him asking about different landmarks only to have me confirm that yes, we had actually gone past where he wanted to be, I finally said "Would you like off so that you can catch another bus back?" He did, in fact. On his way out the door, I left him with one last little educational nugget. "Next time, instead of just sitting there swearing about it, come up with a solution on your own. You could've gotten off 10 blocks ago and been on time by being within walking distance of your school."

Folks, this young problem solver could be you heart surgeon some day.

There was one time I was riding the bus after my shift, thankfully in this case I wasn't the one driving. A few teens got on, one of the young women pushing a stroller. The young mom was too busy texting and laughing with her friends to worry about a small thing like holding onto the stroller. So, it shouldn't come as a big surprise when I tell you that at one point during the trip, the driver of the bus had to brake suddenly and that the stroller (which had bags hanging from the back of it adding extra weight) decided to tip over. And then, to make matters worse, the baby came rolling out of the seat and onto the floor. It wasn't even buckled in! (Side note: the baby was unharmed.) But here's the kicker. When the young mom started to (understandably) take out her frustration yelling at the driver she let out one little piece of information that I still can't believe. "What is wrong with the bus drivers in this city? This is the second time this year this has happened!" Yup. Not only was this girl with the misguided blame careless enough to not hold onto or buckle in her infant, but this is the second time she let it happen! And the person responsible for causing the bus to make this braking maneuver? Her friend rang the stop request bell with very little warning.

This safety conscious young woman could be in charge of installing your brake pads one day.

There was one day that I seemed to have a convention of unwed teenage mothers on my bus. They all seemed to be surprised to see each other as they all got on at different stops, all pushing strollers. But they all seemed to know one another. From what I could work out, they all attended school together at the same local “teenage mother academy”. But the gossip, which I'm sure is like any other high school gossip, was amplified by the fact that they were all also carting around infants. More of the so and so hooking up, so and so was so wasted type banter. But then it took an ugly turn as they started describing friends who didn't know who the father is and how their baby daddy was in prison for sexual assault. It was a bit of a soul crushing glimpse at today's youth. As the conversation turned darker, so did my mood. I can't explain why they got under my skin so much, but they did. It really was at the point that they started talking about a girl, who would refuse to accept friend requests from females because she posts racy pictures online for the boys. But don't worry,  "her parents know." And all these revelations I overheard were made using some of the foulest language I've heard outside of a Quentin Tarantino movie. The whole conversation was starting to make me sick. I'm glad I encountered these girls at the end of my day, because all I wanted to do afterwards was go home and hug my family.

And one day, one of these girls could be your therapist. Or worse yet, their kids... because you know they aren't off to the best start to become well adjusted adults.

I had 2 teens on my bus one discussing their strategy for panhandling. Upset that her mom refused to lend her 20 bucks, the girl took it into her own hands to earn the money. For what? Drugs of course. I'm not just making an assumption, either. They openly discussed their intentions on my bus. "If we each raise $10 we can buy 2 grams. Just tell them you're trying to get bus fare to get home. "

And one day, one of these kids could be the electrician wiring your house.

It isn't all dark and depressing though. Some of the things these teens say and do make me smile. It's like the show "Kids Say the Darndest Things." (At this point, if you wish to keep the mood dark, feel free to insert a Bill Cosby joke here.) For example, I had a girl on my bus one day. I listened to her talk, using the word “like” in every sentence and sprinkling in words like “ain’t”. In the short time on my bus she misused the words “Irony” and “Literally.” Finally I heard her exclaim, “Like, I’m good at math but for some reason I don’t got good marks at English. Like, I don’t get it.” True story. (Now if only I could’ve thought of some glaringly obvious example of irony to tell her about.) I had one girl who got on my bus wearing a toque that said YOLO. (Stands for You Only Live Once in case you didn’t know) I looked at her and said “Well, I guess you aren’t James Bond… He only lives twice!” All I got in return was a blank stare of bewilderment. Know your audience. I thought it was funny, at least.

Maybe I’m cruel. I like to think of it as being a sucker for slapstick comedy, but I like watching teenagers get hurt. Not in a mean way, in a funny way. I enjoy watching the teenage boys, all with their shaggy mop-like hair as they all risk whiplash to flick their hair out of their eyes. All of them. Exact same motion. And for some reason, teens don’t like sitting in one seat for too long. They like moving around to visit friends and I enjoy watching them bounce around the bus as I give them a free physics lesson. They don’t seem to understand basic things like momentum. It’s like playing real life pinball.

One day, I had one girl who was trying to show off to a friend. Instead of just boarding my bus normally, she tried to do a graceful ballet type leap into the bus. She failed and ended up face first on the floor. It was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever witnessed and I couldn’t laugh at it. Another day I had a colleague tell me about a time they had a guy running for his bus and was too concerned with watching the bus that he wasn’t watching where he was going. As a result he ended up running straight into a pole. Great story, but then just a few weeks later, I was fortunate enough to witness the exact same event in person. It made it that much funnier.

These kids could be your lawyer some day.

One of the funniest things that I enjoy is making things difficult for teenagers in skinny jeans. You know, the ones they wear halfway down the ass so the crotch line is in the middle of their thighs. I hate skinny jeans. I never kneel my bus for kids in skinny jeans. Watching them try to step up into the bus with these things is one of the highlights of my day. If I can also see them run for my bus, it gets that much better. It’s the most ridiculous, penguin-esque waddle. So much fun.

The thing that I find interesting about teenagers is that some of the stupidest ones out there are actually University students. I can’t explain why. I mean, these are supposed to be the smartest ones right? Maybe they spend so much time cramming book smarts into their head, it forces out the street smarts. University students seem to forget some of the most basic of street smarts, such as “look both ways before crossing the street”, “cross at a corner” or “don’t try to stop a bus by running toward it in the middle of the street on icy roads.” Common sense is definitely not common in university students. I’ve seen them standing 3 feet away from a pedestrian light signal button and not push it, before walking out into traffic without breaking stride. They just walk straight out in front of cars and busses!

There was one day I was trying to leave the University station. Now, you have to understand that this one particular area that I drive through is fairly narrow. Not much wider than a bus. I’m coming through this one section, I had a university girl cross in front of me without looking (no surprise) forcing me to slam on my brakes. At this point, as she’s halfway across the road, she sees me and stops. She then tries to wave me past. I’m not exactly sure how she expected me to do this considering she was blocking my path. After several seconds of standoff, she finally realized the problem and finished her journey across the street.

To think, one day this girl may be an architect designing the building you’re living in.

I’m sure my parents probably had similar opinions about my generation. And their parents probably had similar opinions about their generation. But I see one key difference. The downfall for the kids in today’s society is technology. Between cell phones, ipods with giant headphones and social media, these kids are oblivious to the world around them. Most of the time when these kids carelessly walk out in front of me, it’s because they have their nose in an electronic device. In their own little world. Don’t get me wrong… I love technology. If I forget my phone at home, I feel naked. I don’t know how we functioned before smart phones. My Kobo e-reader is the greatest invention ever for a bus driver (as long as you don’t mind reading a book one page at a time) The key difference for me, I look up from my phone if I need to cross the street. If I’m waiting for a bus, I look up intermittently to make sure it doesn’t drive past.

I will say this about the teenagers, though. They are polite. You might not expect this to be true but it is. I get more thank-you’s from the kids that ride my bus than any other demographic. They are more likely to give up their seat to someone in need. The first person who ever said “Bless you” when I sneezed on the bus was a teenager (and for anyone keeping track, I have now officially had 2 people ever say Bless You to me on my bus) So, society is doing something right with these kids. And the one thing I’ve never witnessed on my bus is bullying. It’s possible it happens where I can’t see or hear it, but I’ve never seen it first hand.

No matter what parents of teens, know this. You only see a small portion of your son or daughter’s personality. I see the real them. When you say goodbye to your precious little child and send them off to school, they come to my office and let their guard down. I hear them make plans to skip gym class with their friends. I hear boyfriends planning with girlfriends whose house they will go to after school because parents aren’t home. I hear about how easy it was to cheat on yesterday’s exam because Mr. Teacher left the answer key out and they snapped a photo of it. Figuring out how they’ll get the beer for the weekend’s party. So do yourselves a favor, parents. Hack your child’s Facebook account, check their privacy settings and find out what they’re blocking from you.  

Keep a closer eye, because one day these kids might be driving your bus. And that’s a future that scares me.

From in front of the yellow line, that’s how I see it.

In Front of the Yellow Line

Bits and Pieces

By Shawn Wells

Well, it’s a new year and time for some reflection. So far, I’ve enjoyed letting you into my mind. The feedback I’ve received from writing this blog has been quite positive and I thank you for reading. Lately, my posts have been sporadic and I apologize for that. But like anyone, life sometimes gets in the way and I just have trouble finding the time to write.

That being said, my reflection on all the things I’ve told you about make me realize that I missed some stuff. So I bring you the “bonus features”, if you will. The thoughts that are not quite substantial enough to stretch into a full post. Or things I forgot to mention the first time around. Or possibly some stuff that is repetition of what I said before (I didn’t go back and read the old ones before sitting down to write) So this post will be a little disconnected compared to my others. Think of it like when your favorite show does a flashback episode. Ok… buckle up. Here we go.

*****

Here’s something you may not realize about the life of a bus driver. I work on a 27 hour clock. Wait… what? Let me explain. For my job, we work on a 24 hour clock. Military time. And although I’ve adjusted to that way of thinking, it still feels weird to work until 1800hrs. Also, although military time is one of the easiest concepts in the world to grasp, I still have the occasional brain fart. “What time do you leave?” asks a passenger. Me looking at my schedule where it says 1400 “4 o’clock. Whoops… I mean 2.” It happens. Especially on the days I have to wake up earlier. “But wait Shawn”, you say, “I don’t use a 24 hour clock and even I know it doesn’t go up to 27.” That’s right reader, it doesn’t. However for the sake of payroll, that is how it works around transit. So if I start at 7pm (1900) on New Years Eve and have to work until 3am (0300) New Years Day, I don’t actually get paid 3 hours of holiday pay. Instead, all my hours are calculated for the same day, so my schedule is actually from 1900-2700.

Also on the subject of strange anomalies with payroll, did you know that I work 3 Mondays a week? This isn’t actually one of my employer’s rules, just my own personal observation. Here’s how that works. Currently my days off are Thursday and Friday. This means that Saturday is actually my Monday. But my job’s pay period runs from Sunday to Saturday, which means Sunday is Monday for my work week. And then of course there is the actual Monday, with all my passengers living the blue Monday mood. So there you go. You think you hate Mondays as much as Garfield? Try having 3 of them in a row.

***

When I was younger I loved the movie “Speed”. Still do. Really, for my generation it’s kind of a classic. Not “Citizen Kane” classic, but still. However, now that I drive a bus, I see major flaws with it. I’m sorry to spoil it. But the biggest error is the fact that a driver cannot open the door of the bus while it is in motion. In fact, when my door is open it activates an emergency brake to prevent the bus from accidentally moving while loading passengers. But this brake only kicks in when the doors open and only when the bus is going less than 3 km/hr. Not 50 miles an hour. Keanu Reeves would not have been able to get on that bus in the first place.And don’t even get me started on the 50 miles per hour. Not an easy thing to do. And the handling capabilities at that speed. “Speed” is full of it. Sorry.

***

What is that thick cable with the ball on it that hangs down on the right side of a bus near the front wheel? It’s called a Curb Feeler. It is used to deter me from rubbing my tires against the curb. When I hear the scraping sound of the Curb Feeler, I know I’m close enough. Now you know.

Another fun tool I have at my disposal is a panic button. If I’m in an emergency (for example a hostage situation) I push it. It doesn’t set off any alarms in my bus, but instead displays a message on my destination sign that says “Emergency. Call Police.” without changing anything inside to tip people off. If you see this message on a bus, do what it says. This is on the older busses. The newer ones actually have a panic button that turns on all my cameras to a direct feed with my bosses. Cool stuff.

***

People ask me about the extra long busses, the “Articulated” ones. You know, those ones that bend in the middle with the accordion looking middle bit. They ask me if they are really tough to drive. The truth is, they are actually easier. The front piece is shorter than the other busses which makes the turning radius much tighter on them. And with the exception of on tremendously icy roads, the back piece always follows where the front goes. It can really mess with your mind to go around a tight corner and see the back half of your bus blocking the view from your side mirror. Or to look in the rearview mirror and not see the back end. Strange.

***

I’m surprised at how many people are still confused with how payment works on a bus. I realize not everything is universal, but the concept of receiving a transfer is a fairly common one. You pay, you get a transfer. You show this transfer to any bus driver who’s bus you want to board until it expires. You do not use this transfer AS your payment on the next bus. This little piece of paper is your proof of payment. A lot of people don’t want this little piece of paper. That’s fine with me. I don’t have to give you one. But keep in mind, if security comes on the bus and asks to see proof of payment and you don’t have this… you can get fined. You’ve been warned.

I also get to punch a hole in these transfers with my very own hole punch to validate them. Every driver in my city has a different shape to their punch. Like a signature, this punch sets me apart from everyone else. The are even some forms at work that after signing them, I also have to punch a hole in them too.

***

I like splashing in puddles. Always have since I was a kid. I mean, come on… who doesn’t? And when I started driving it became that much more fun. Well, now that I drive a bus, that pleasure is ramped up even more. There is something truly satisfying about hitting a nice big puddle in a bus. I don’t slow down for puddles, I speed up. However, if it’s a good puddle splashing day out, I need to be hyper-aware of pedestrians to make sure I’m not splashing people.

On the subject of pedestrians though, I don’t stop for jaywalkers. This is my own personal thing. I will stop for people safely and legally crossing at a crosswalk. But for jaywalkers,  unless I absolutely have to because I’ll hit them otherwise, I refuse to encourage this behavior. So if you see me coming, cross at a corner. There is one area in my city near a hospital, where they have actually posted “No Pedestrian” signs with the follow up “Please use crosswalk.” with an arrow pointing to the crosswalk. Of course, everyone crosses right at this sign. Pet peeve. Stay out of my way. I’m not stopping. Be glad you’re right outside of a hospital.

***

If you are in a wheelchair, use the wheelchair stop request button. It gives me a different signal to let me know to put the ramp out.

I’ve mentioned before that I pride myself in being a fairly smooth driver. Sometimes though, the bus itself won’t let me be. The retarder brake is extra strong or the brakes are too sensitive. Either way, if the bus is jerking or the bus driver seems hard on the brakes, it isn’t always their fault. Sometimes it’s the bus.

My high beams are on the floor next to my signal lights. I use my left foot to push these buttons. I’m glad my own car is a manual transmission. Makes it easier to think about using my left foot while driving.

All our garages have gas pumps and carwashes. That’s why you never see a bus fuelling on road. They only get gassed up once at the end of each day.

***

Ever have trouble reading a bus map? You aren’t the only one. Unfortunately we as drivers have to use the same maps. It gets especially complicated when it’s one of those routes that changes depending on the time of day. We are supposed to be the experts but honestly, sometimes I’m not sure if I’m following the correct routing. Most of the time my Running Board (a list of times that I’m supposed to try and follow) will have an extra time listed in these circumstances, but it’s still confusing.

Also we have to know which way is North at all times. If there is a special situation where we have to detour, the instructions they announce over the radio will tell you to “Turn west on such and such street”. So as drivers we need to know if that is a left or right turn, where that is and adjust our routing temporarily until the problem clears up. This is in situations like traffic accidents.

But sometimes they know ahead of time about a road closure or a special event like a parade. But they don’t give us a special modified map for the day. They give us a piece of paper that says “turn west on such and such street.” Always makes for a challenge the first time you do it.

***

I once had a missing person on my bus. It was a good feeling to know I helped find him. Every once in a while the police will ask for our assistance in finding a missing person or a suspect in a crime. On this particular evening, it happened to be a developmentally challenged young man who had wandered off from his home. And because of me that day, the police were able to find him. It’s nice to know the system works. And it felt good to be a part of it.

***

Well, that’s all I have for now dear reader. I hope you enjoyed my bits and pieces.

From in front of the Yellow Line, that’s how I see it.